Tuesday, September 5, 2017
幸福如履薄冰
As much as I wish to be positive, my rational mind is telling me to accept the fact and move on..
Hubby and I received the best gift in our lives, during our 10th year anniversary. It was a big fat positive.
We were thrilled. I was just off with my contraceptive pills (due to hormone issue), and here, after less than a month, I'm pregnant!
Anyway, we arranged an appt with our gynae and off we went happily.
Our first ultrasound scan was probably too early. Scan shows an empty small sac at est. week 5.
My gynae instructed me to take prenatal pill, folic acid and hormone pills everyday as my pregnancy looks a lil unstable. Nevertheless, hub and I were still very excited at that point of time. What could possibly go wrong, right?
We even named our lil baby ♥ 小汤圆 ♥
1.5weeks later, we went back to the gynae. U/S shows a yolk sac this time round, but unfortunately no fetal pole. (I was supposed to be 6.5 weeks now.)
Nevertheless, benefit of doubt as I wasn't aware of my last period. Hence gynae suggested tkeing a blood test to ensure everything's fine.
I'd 2 blood tests in total within a period of 3 days. The waiting was hard.
On the 4th day, results were finally out. My hcg were rising very slowly, but not doubling.
Not promising, gynae said.
Over the next few days, I tried holding my hopes high. Googled around and saw lots of mummies saying they'd the same experience, and only to find a strong heartbeat 2 weeks later, on their week 9.
Furthermore, my nausea was getting a lil stronger at that point of time, which gynae said it's a gd sign for healthy pregnancy.
However, nausea seems to come in waves. It stopped after a few days and now, it seems like I've no pregnancy symptoms at all.
Went back for another u/s just yesterday - est. week 8.
Gynae's comment - Enlarged yolk sac. no fetal pole/heartbeat detected still. Not promising.
I'd no idea what to say then. Told gynae I would like to wait for another week before deciding my next step.
Went home and cried for almost the whole of yesterday.
My next u/s is a week later. Still thinking should I hold on to the last glimpse of hope and postpone it till 1.5 weeks - with the chances of having a natural miscarriage anytime.
Things hasn't been smooth sailing in my life so far, and I embrace that. But when I thought everything's going for the better, this came crushing down again.
Well, this is really difficult as this is my first pregnancy..
Though, looking on a bright side, at least my hubby's with me all these while, for all the appointments and my ups and downs. Bringing me out for nice food when I'd no appetite :)
And also, apart from Fergie, I have Birthday (the rescued cat) now, to lick away my tears and be there for me whenever I cry.
I'm certainly happy with what I have right now and really appreciate what I have.
But God, can't I just be a lil greedier and have a more complete and loving family?
I bet 小汤圆 will really be fortunate to join this happy family of ours..
Please allow him/her come to this earth healthily and enjoy our warmth, because kind souls like us deserves it ♥
.°•.♥.Gummy & Dummy.♥.•°.
3:38 PM
